Behind the success of social media we find a human need that social media itself cannot even satisfy. The hope to get satisfaction originates in a logical error, we could also say that we simply learned to expect this satisfaction as a consequence but get disappointed again and again. This lack of success results in more and more intense efforts, escalating until we end up in total exhaustion, or, if we are lucky, we get an insight an reconsider.
When something special or noteworthy happens, I catch myself thinking that it would be nice to have a record of what just happened in the form of a photo or a short video. So I can show it to other people and share the moment. That could be a bird of prey flying by closely, a special car driving past, or simply something that catches my attention and that I might want to tell about later. Also, I have noticed that a quickly grabbed camera can distract me from the moment itself, so that I can no longer fully experience the special situation. And if the picture that I got is blurry or overexposed, then I am especially frustrated and often think that it would have been better to just live and enjoy the moment without the worry of artificially capturing it.
Both opinions I try to justify. It would be egoistic not to record and share what I experience in life. The pictures trigger my memory in the future, they bring back old moments, reviving the feelings and atmosphere of otherwise forgotten memories. They help me to remember what happened when in my life. On the other hand I experience the world more attentively and comprehensive when I don’t look at it through a camera. The recorded picture cannot capture the atmosphere and the particularity as I can when I am present. The best time to live the moment is now.
Social media is about affiliation. It is about community. About connection. We do not want to feel scattered, isolated, disconnected from the world. Besides boredom, that is the need that drives us into social media. We want to communicate, want attention, want confirmation that we are right. But social media lures us into a trap, because what we really need, what we are actually looking for, finds no response in social media. We might not even be aware what really motivates our action, and we might not notice that we stand there with empty hands. That is why spending too much time in social media will make us very unhappy and will sabotage our real social life.
This can be explained based on the initial example of the special moment that was recorded with a camera or not. When I want to have the picture to better tell my story, then this is understandable. But I must know and consider that this picture triggers my memory of a situation that I experienced. When I show the picture to someone and expect that it triggers the same emotions for them as it does for me, then I will get disappointed. For someone else it is just a picture, and we are well fed with spectacular pictures. Sharing a picture does not pull others to where I am emotionally. This is only possible when both sides have already experienced the situation in the picture, ideally together.
And that is the essential point which we must keep in mind. It is fine when we tell each other what we experienced. But we are only connected by what we experience together. Shared adventures provide similar memories and comparable emotions. If we want to maintain relationships to other people, if we want to be closer and feel included, then we must take the time for shared adventures. Otherwise we remain strangers or become estranged. Joint excursions, travels, projects in garden or house, all that brings us closer together. Experience together, create together. That keeps communities and friendships alive.
In this context it is usually not helpful if we create something on our own and then put it in front of others. We do not get very far that way and should not have high expectations when we behave like this. Of course, this strategy still has its place and legitimacy. There are very good books that we can put in front of us and that might help us a lot. Some well made entertainment also has its value. But it does not create any significant interpersonal relationship improvement. We can learn something, transfer knowledge, we can get distraction and recover. All that is good and right, to a reasonable extend.
Today we are no longer forced to experience something with others. We can sit in a room in isolation, get everything delivered and let us be passively entertained. We need to get going on our own accord, plan and take up shared activities based on our own motivation and knowledge. Meet with friends, colleagues and family. Visit events. Plan and realize shared projects. And we do not need to record those things to share them with anyone not involved. We experience together and can remember together, and it will connect us as a family, as friends or in general as a community.